Time to Reflect and move forward

Transitions

I have found the transition from full-time work to self employment more difficult than I anticipated. In a way I felt like I had lost my sense of identity.  I had gone from leading a busy, hectic and all encompassing job role to running a business running creative workshops in a relaxed and social setting.

Not for one minute I have regretted my decision to leave work, however, I felt like a part of me got left behind when I left work, I lost my sense of identity.  You can't do a job for 15 years and it not become a part of your identity and who you are.  For a short while I lost my sense of worth; I didn't feel like I was helping people in the same way - I now realise I was wrong ... but it wasn't easy.

I was struggling so a couple of weeks ago, I decided to go away and spend a weekend on my own at a place I absolutely love, a place where I feel safe and I could reflect and get my head around everything that had happened over the last few months.

This place is Sandyhills, Dumfriesshire ... a little haven on the Scottish coast and my all time favourite place.  This was my second visit, my first was a couple of months earlier on a short break in the summer; when I enjoyed a few days of painting and fantastic scenery.

Sandyhills, Dumfriesshire

I spent my days twisting wire and taking long walks along the beach thinking about the past, the present and the future, adjusting to how things were and how they might be in future.

I enjoyed my own company and just let things happen, let my thoughts drift and let decisions to come to me as they needed to. 

I sat and looked out into the openness around me and just enjoyed the peace and tranquility of what was around me. 

I didn't force anything ... and it worked.  

After 2 days I felt content and at peace with everything.  I felt like I could move forward with a more positive outlook, knowing I was doing what I was meant to do and I had a positive future ahead of me. 

Whilst I was away I was contacted by a school, who want me to go in and not only work with the parents and children but also work with the teachers on a well-being workshop.  Since I came back I have had more attendance at my workshops, I have had more interaction with associations wanting workshops and contact from local organisations. I am working with homeschool parents and children twice a week on art and craft workshops, which I love.  

Positivity through creativity is most definitely the way forward and is a mantra I stand behind wholeheartedly.  

My workshops not only impact positively on me but also on the people who attend them.  I made the right choice and I am moving forward happy I made the right decision.

New Beginnings

Since my last blog so much has happened in my life that I have felt like I'm on an emotional rollercoaster at times.

Out with the Old .... In with the new

After 15 years of working in adult education I decided it was time to leave ... for many reasons.  Things had changed so much that I no longer felt it was right for me. I chose adult education to help change people's lives; to help people realise that it is never too late to learn or re-train. I know the importance of education later in life!

When I left school with poor qualifications I thought that was it; I was lucky I got a job and remained in employment for mucho if my earlier adult life.  It was only when I was in my mid 20's that I decided I wanted to do something different and opted for further education and eventually university.

Even now 'every day is a school day and a learning opportunity' 

As with all jobs they change and evolve and I'm ok with that, I've adapted, changed and evolved many times over the last 15 years; but when things change so much that the environment you work in becomes toxic and your health and well-being become so affected that you start to lose your perspective, somethings wrong. In short ... I lost my happy! It wasn't only affecting me, it was affecting my family.

I decided to leave and it felt like a weight had been lifted.  I knew I had made the right decision but didn't expect the next few months to be so hard.  I didn't realise how much of my sense of self was invested in my job until I left, deciding to stay on a casual contract just to teach the Amazing You Course.

I knew when I decided to put my notice in I was going to start my own business.  It's something I've always wanted to do so I thought why not ... lets go for it.

Before getting into my own business, I spent a lot of time over the summer working on getting my happy back and this involved spending a lot of time on creative past-times mainly painting and drawing but with a little wire work built in to get me ready for my new venture.

Newfangled

Newfangled 

My plan was to start by running workshops promoting 'positivity through creativity' .. an ethos I stand by from not only working with people with mental health issues but also from my own experiences.

Over the summer I started to think about what I was going to do and by the end of August I was ready to make a start.

Initially I was happy, things were going great but then September hit, so did my 50th, so did what would have been the date I would have gone back to work after the summer break...

My emotions were all over the place, still are.  In my niavity and arrogance I suppose I thought I'd leave work, the cause of my unhappiness and decline in my own mental health.  Things would get better.  I'd had a great summer, my workshops were going ok, for a new business and I was doing what I love.  So why was I not jumping for joy?

My life was calmer, I'm doing something creative everyday and yet I am still, on occasion, not all the time ... unhappy, uncertain and at times lonely.  I've gone from being part of a team to someone who is, for the most part, on their own ... with decision making and planning.

I had no idea how much of my sense of worth was invested in my job until it was gone.  My life is less busy, less stressful and less hectic and for me .... that's hard.

I discussed this with my best friends, who helped me to put things into perspective, understand that a period of adjustment is needed and things take time. You can't forget 15 years of routine over night.

I know I made the right decision when I left.  I know my future is bright and I have what it takes to make my business a success.  I just need to give myself time to adjust and come to terms with my new life, my new future.